I have had the rather unnerving experience of arriving at a destination after a 20-30 minute drive, only to put the van in park and think to myself, "I don't even remember the drive here!". Looking back over the miles I'd just traveled, I would realize that I had just been automatically doing the right things to get me where I needed to go. Still a little scary, though, and I know you know what I mean if you have ever done the same thing.
Equally as disturbing to me are the nights that I pillow my head in the darkness, and then think "Lord, did I commune with you on purpose today?" Sometimes the days seem so long, and that time of morning prayer or prayer with the children seems like a distant memory in the fog by the time I wind it all down for the night. God is so faithful, forgiving, and longsuffering with me. How many nights have I fallen asleep whispering, "I'll do better tomorrow"......
I don't want to live my spiritual life on auto-pilot. I want to intentionally seek to understand the things of God more. I want to read His Word with anticipation of learning. I want to be a ready vessel when He wants to pick me up and pour me out. And I know these things don't happen when we're "asleep at the wheel". The Bible tells us to BE VIGILANT! We have an adversary who walks around seeking to destroy us!
Before I finish off these rambling thoughts, I wanted to add one more thing about God's mercy. There have been specific times in my life, the most recent one I remember being the weeks following Reagan' birth, when I have been too drained of everything physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be that "vigilant" watchman. That's pretty common I think after having a new baby! But there are other stages of life when this occurs as well. During those weeks, the only prayer I seemed able to pray, especially at night, was something like this, "Lord, please don't forget about me. Don't give up on me. I don't have anything to give right now, but if you'll just hold me until everything balances itself again...I WILL serve you with all that is within me!" I know that sure doesn't sound very spiritual or probably very theologically sound. But my testimony is that through those days of auto-pilot, God was still very much in the control room. Every night, I sensed that it was okay. He's big enough to handle it all. And, best of all, He did hold me until I was strong again.
I wouldn't want to live my life that way permanently, but I'm very thankful that when the circumstances of life necessitate it, we serve Someone who can be trusted to be there on the other side of it all. After all, perhaps it bears mentioning Who pilots this rig in the first place!
Well, I guess it's pretty obvious who these thoughts are for this morning: just me, really. But if it can serve as a reminder or wake-up call to any reader, then that's good news too.
I Peter 5:8-9 "Be sober, Be vigilant! Because your adversary the Devil, as a roaring lion walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."