Monday, January 12, 2009

Chaos and Peace

As I continue to move into this new year, I am so aware of the need for a fresh sense of God on my life. Part of my reflection and "looking back" over the last year brought a realization that God was consistently removing crutches, security blankets, and safety nets from my life. In various ways...relationship struggles or relationship changes through moves, etc. etc. As those props have given way beneath me, I am forced into a more honest look at my life and my relationship with God. I am constrained to seek His Word, His Kingdom, and His truth with renewed passion. Digging deeper. Seeking to move beyond facades, cliches', and pat answers. Just going through the motions, accepting status quo, believing things without seeking out their foundations! That's such an easy way out!

But it doesn't bring life. It doesn't bring life abundant. Sure, it's scary when you feel like you've been reduced to "just God"! How ridiculous that sounds, but sometimes I confess to you that I have felt that way. That I didn't want to be in a place where all I really had was God. Sure, I wanted Him, and His help...but there was just a little comfort knowing that there was a "back-up". I am bearing my soul in honesty here. The good news is that God is helping me to recapture the wonder and the mystery that is His unfathomable love. I think I'd become so enamored with the awesome (used in it's original definition here) majesty and power and greatness of a God who designed the universe, the indescribable Creator......that somehow I'd lost the tear-jerking joy that it is to know that HE KNOWS ME! HE loves me! How can that be?

So God is moving in me...and as I read His Word, and open my heart to Him more fully, I look forward to "whatever it is He's doing inside of me". I heard this song on the radio tonight, and my heart answered YES YES YES! That's me. That's how I feel. Sometimes the journey feels like chaos, but in the midst of it, there's peace! The lyrics are a little hard-pressed to capture the emotion that the musical accompaniment can bring with them, but I hope you get the idea.

And I hope each and every one of you, gentle readers, are opening your hearts to whatever He's doing inside of you this year. BLESSINGS!

It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender.....


Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos yet somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything!
I surrender!...


Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, yet somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something Heavenly



Sonja said...

Ah, yes. What a place to live! Bless you, my friend!

Kimberly said...

Is this what is supposed to happen in our 30's..?!:) not sure, but right there with you. I hope that like you have stated, I will be drawn more into the life of Christ...when other "security blankets" no longer seem sufficient. I too have been thinking that IF...when we truly begin to grasp His great Love for us, it will cause us to live in more authentic, less self-dependant or codependant ways.

Thanks for "confessing"...always good to hear what's on your heart.
I love those lyrics!

Kim M. said...

Really good post! I am there too sister.

Faithe said...

What a "sermon"!! I need to be reminded again of these truths. No matter what stage of life we find ourselves, we need to be drawn closer to Him...and it takes a definite determination on our parts. It doesn't just happen. Thanks again for the reminder... blessings on your journey!

Tamra said...

Hi Tara! Not sure if you remember me or not. I'm Leah's cousin - my maiden name is Lemon. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy reading your posts. You have a gift for writing - so keep them coming!

Toots said...

Appreciate the good thoughts, Tara. I too know what it is to have my relatively predictable and happy world completely turned upside down. I'm thankful that He is there to be everything we need if we just go to Him. It's real stuff we believe in.