Jenny observed about herself that she is wildly inconsistent, and yet very opinionated. That thought describes me so well these days that I just decided to open this blog with it, and get it out there. So there you have it. If you can trust the writings and ramblings of such a one, then read on, dear people!
I begin with the fact that I have been in such an oddly contradictive mood regarding my blogging. I have been vascillating frequently (in my mind) between closing up shop and not posting anything new at all, and then sitting here typing all kinds of blogs on various topics and just leaving them in my 'drafts' folder and not publishing them. There's been a lot of miscellaneous tidbits floating between the ears lately. And they're probably not even worth sharing!
One such thought is in regards to a Saturday afternoon debate I shared with my cousin, Jeremy. (who, incidentally I should ask your prayers for; he joined the Army and left earlier today for Boot Camp). This discussion was about the blending of SWEET and SAVORY. I do NOT like them blended: i.e., breakfast sandwiches where pancakes serve as the 'bun' for sausage, egg, and cheese(ew!), or a Bennigan's Monte Cristo sandwich where there is raspberry jam spread on turkey, swiss, rye, etc., and MOST HIDEOUS OF ALL, he told me about a Krispy Kreme HAMBURGER, PEOPLE!! Literally, a cheeseburger with a Krispy Kreme donut serving as the bun. I find this wrong on so many levels. Quite disturbing. We went 'round and 'round about this, but I remain faithful to convictions against the mixing of sweet and savory. So I threatened to do an online poll. But I'll settle for your comments on this to suffice. Whad'ya think?
This whole online tagging game roused some interesting observations about myself. For one thing, my first reaction to it was sort of "ugh", and I don't really know why. Upon further introspection, I think that my first thought was rather 'panicky', like I didn't have anything interesting to share. If you've read my blog for long, you would know that I consider my life to be very blessed as a wife and mother. I take the role seriously. But for some reason, when asked to name SEVEN things about MYSELF ALONE....I panicked!!! I think, without realizing it, that I had bought into some sub-conscious mumbo jumbo about being just a stay-at-home mom. Maybe somebody without much to offer when everything is stripped away and it's just me. I found that discovery surprising. Meanwhile, I went on to complete the tag task, and found that once I got into it I really enjoyed the trip down memory lane looking back at some things that were mostly about me. It's a fine line between self-obsession in this world and losing yourself completely.
School is going well. It's coming along consistently, which is a good feeling. I can't say that I've fallen in love with the Abeka program yet, but I am finding certain things to be very valuable. I think it was Laura F. that mentioned to me how great the drilling aspect of these early grades are, and she's definitely right. Abeka is great for drills. I'm still trying to figure out how to customize the program more to blend with the whole "homeschool" philosophy. It's a bit of a challenge. But at any rate, we're doing well, and I'm grateful for that.
We always like to encourage the kids to share their thoughts and suggestions for field trips, educational learning opportunities, etc. So we're driving along the other day, and Lauren asks, "Mommy, I have somewhere I'd like for our family to go for a field trip." "Sure, sweetie, what's your idea?" "Could we go to Egypt?" She couldn't really understand why I laughed.
Sonja blogged about the effect of sleep deprivation. There is indeed a reason why it is an approved torture technique to extract info from enemy combatants. My precious baby is having some sleep issues the last couple of weeks. After all the bragging I'd done about what a good baby, good sleeper....yada yada yada. (when will mommies learn not to do that?!?) I am convinced that there is something far worse than not getting sleep at all: it would have to be going to sleep...being awakend....going to sleep....being awakened.....going to sleep....being.., well, you get the idea. That can make a person crazy in not too short of time. Maybe I'm there, already.
One of my non-published blogs was about how I don't want to die alone. Long story short, my mom's 66 yr old cousin died last week. We provided music for the funeral on Saturday. This lady was an example to me in this: her life had held so much sorrow and heartache, and yet she maintained a deep faith and a desire to find strength in God. She had endured the death of her two precious little children, one as a baby, and the other as an 8 yr. old. Her husband had to have a heart transplant years ago, and has had to deal with all the issues that come with being a donor recipient, and her health has been poor as well. He died four months ago. And last Tuesday, she died during the night, alone. It seemed so sad, and so very lonely. Then I realized that at that moment, in Heaven, an entire family was reunited. What a comfort! What a hope!
I think I'm like most parents in that sometimes I've felt a twinge of a guilt for even bringing children into this world. Looking around, listening in, paying attention to the news, you could easily become disillusioned and think this world's no place for a child, anyway. I heard a preacher today comment that there could have been no worse time to have a baby than when Moses was born! Unless it would have been when Jesus himself was born into this world: baby boys were on a most wanted list. So, that gave a little perspective on that. For what it's worth. He did go on to remind me of a very important truth. Yes, children are an heritage of the Lord. Yes, blessed is the man whose quiver is full. Yes, having children can bring great joy. But the REAL joy isn't simply in the reproducing of children. The real joy comes from training those children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. To succeed in that awesome task is/must be/will be the fulfillment of the blessing in parenting. With God's help and by His grace, we trust that we will know that complete joy of having our whole family serving the King.