Amazing Love: How Can It Be?

Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

God is so good isn't He?  He continues to reach out to mankind.  His Spirit still strives with us and draws us.  He hasn't repented that He made us, or thrown us out with the garbage.  What a miracle that is! He loves us! He loves us in ways that we cannot even begin to understand, to explain, and in many cases to even accept.  I know that many times I have "head knowledge" of this love, but when I truly try to realize the implications that He would love ME, so unworthy and needy and messed up as I am....what a revelation!! It never grows old!!

Derek and I were talking about it the other day.  That we come to Him with our burdens, our problems, and our self-made messes so many times and we're just almost embarrassed to say..."ummmm, God?  Lord?  We're here AGAIN."  Because truth is, even though we understand a parent's love (and that's about as close as I come to understanding God's interaction with us), we are still so HUMAN. And human beings just get plain 'ol fed UP.  If I was God, I would have been sick of me so long ago.  Long about the time I was 14 or 15, I imagine.  Why He still wants me and loves me is a mystery.  That He would use me in my brokenness and failings to represent His love to others, that He would trust me to be His hands and feet...EVER....is a humbling proposition. 

In recent years, we've had to deal with some pretty ugly behaviors and just old fashioned meanness in some of our ministry endeavors.  My personality rises up and rails against the "injustice" of it, and I want to take action and seek vindication.  That is a part of my natural make-up that I have to strive with and bring under submission to the attitude of Jesus Himself.  (that little tidbit was offered in a moment of sheer honesty and transparency. no extra charge.)  Meanwhile, God uses my husband as an example of Christ-like love and attitude and I marvel at how he surrenders his thoughts, feelings, and "rights" in obedience to this call.  I am blessed to have a man like that as the Spiritual head of this home.  On one particular day when things were really getting to us, and my defenses were up, Derek shared with me what God had shown him during his private time of prayer and seeking.  It was these words from Luke 6:35:

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for GOD  HIMSELF  is kind to ungrateful and evil men."

Since that time, this verse has been the banner that we have tried to live under. When you think of all that God sees, hears, and knows about depraved humanity, and yet He still chooses to be KIND, wow!!  I admit that I fail at this standard more than I succeed, but it is the ultimate example.  God is faithful to continue to hone that desire for His Spirit within me.

I don't know who this post is for this afternoon.  I know I can't explain it or make it make sense to you, but I can promise you that the God of all creation loves you with an everlasting love. 

We can't earn it, but we can let Him bring about beauty from the shriveled state of our twisted minds, and we can learn to walk in that Love, day by day.  And what's more, we can walk worthy of the great Love wherewith He loved US!

Making a Life-Plan, With the Rear-View Mirror in Mind

I've been making more visits to blog-world lately, albeit surreptitiously! I've enjoyed getting a wee bit caught up with those of my blogging friends who don't FB much.  And I've enjoyed just the good sharing and writing. I've even written some myself.  Alas, they remain in the draft folder.  Just not quite out of the funk enough to feel comfortable posting the things I've written. But I'm gonna give it the 'ol college try today! :)

Last weekend was a really special and meaningful for time for my husband and me.  We arranged to leave the kiddos with my parents for Friday night and Saturday, and we set aside time to focus on communication, prayer, and long-term planning for our family.  Derek had found this wonderful tool, an e-book by author Michael Hyatt on creating a personal life-plan.  We tweaked it a bit, to fit creating a Family Life-Plan.  We spent hours working on it.  Reading, thinking, writing, dreaming.  I thought I'd share just a bit of the overall information. 

Mr. Hyatt refers to 8 areas of our lives as "accounts"...places where we are regularly making withdrawals and/or deposits of our time, energy, affection, etc.  These 8 areas are: God, Self, Spouse, Children, Parents, Friends, Career, and Ministry. 

Here's how it works:  For each account, you write a purpose statement, an Envisioned Reality (this is your ideal standard of how this account should function); a Current Reality (this is a brutally honest assessment of what the truth is versus how you envision it should be);  and Specific Commitments (these are clearly defined steps that you intend to take to bring the vision and reality closer together. 

As you begin this process, Mr. Hyatt asks you to imagine that you are attending a very prestigious event in your life.  You imagine that all the people you love and care about are there.  The music is playing.  There are heavy gold drapes...a long aisle...and WAIT...you're there too...but you're in a box at the front.  It is your funeral.  He asks you to think about what you want people to say about you.  When I first read this part, I poo-pooed it, because in my experience with death (I have a lot), it just seems like it doesn't matter who you were, how you lived, or what you did.  When you die, everybody talks about you like you were a saint.  It's all rose-colored glasses at that point.  But I soon abandoned my skepticism of the exercise, because it led to something very deep and powerful.  I was asked to write out for each person in my life how I want to be remembered by them specifically.  Writing about yourself in the past tense and trying to sum up your most deeply-held desires in a paragraph is an emotional epiphany!  As Derek and I wrote our personal ones for each other and then shared them with each other, it was very tender and tear-jerking.  Really helps you trim away so many things and realize where you need to expend your energy in order to achieve that remembrance. 

Before I close, I thought I would just share one of mine, that I wrote down for the category of Friendship.  The faces of beloved friends came one by one to my mind as I wrote this, and I hope that I live my life so that they can honestly and without reservation remember me this way: "I want my friends to know that I loved them.  That I appreciated them, and that my life was so much richer for the joy of their friendship.  I want them to know that I was loyal to them, and that I would have with-held nothing that they needed that was in my power to give.  I want them to remember laughter, and multiplied 'guess you had to be there' moments.  I want them to remember precious moments in time that we consciously chose to make a priority.  I want them to know that they could trust me. I want them to feel that I reflected God's love for them.  I want them to remember me as a person who loved BIG, and who didn't wait till it was too late to say what was in my heart."

See what I mean?  Whew! It's a challenge to live well, isn't it?

Blessings and peace,

Tara

Morning Chat...

I thought I'd check in with a little update this morning.  Life is still as busy, if not busier than the last time I blogged.  That's just the nature of the beast! :)

We've come a long way with the house updates...still have so far to go.  But I guess that will always be a work in progress to some extent.  I really do promise to post some pics.  You know, just trying to get everything "picture-ready" all at once, and then have the TIME to take them...yikes!

God has been using the circumstances of life and ministry to remind me of some powerful truths in recent days.  It always strikes me in a fresh way when brought face-to-face with the war between the spirit and flesh that God's ways are just TOTALLY BACKWARDS from what we would naturally do.  It is the Spirit that lives in me that has the power to control my tongue, to guard my thoughts, to not return evil for evil, etc., etc. In my own strength, I DO. NOT. have that ability.

We were not created for this world, friends.  This is only a temporary set-up, though in our finite minds we really cannot grasp such a thing.  We were never intended to feel comfortable here.  Never designed to "fit in" with the philosophies and lifestyles of  this world.  Stinks, doesn't it?  I know the reality of that can be truly unpleasant at times.  But it's true.  And God does have the grace to help us live lives that please Him.  And not only that, He has given us His Holy Spirit to comfort, guide, and help us in the journey.  That Spirit within gives us the sweet fragrance of Jesus that can love and love and love again, even those who despise us.  That's just His way.  We do not wrestle against flesh and blood (that's another tough one to remember when you'd rather just wring someone's neck) ...we must recognize the powers that rule this world are at war with the Spirit in us!  It's not personal!!!

Okay...moving on. That was my morning pep talk to myself, and you got to listen in!  Maybe one of you is right there with me at this time in life.  Let's just remember that we are His and He is ours.  We are His ambassadors for now in this world.  Let's "sing forth the honor of His name and make His praise glorious."
Psalm 66:2

Unrelated String of Thoughts...

Deep breath.  These have been BUSY days here recently.  So much going on, it seems like there's barely time to catch my breath before moving on to the next thing.  My mind has been whirling with different thoughts, just taking in the world around me.

~Last weekend our family attended revival services at the little Wesleyan church in town.  (Side note:  my family moved to Florida before my 5th birthday, so the vast majority of my memories and life anchors are found there; however, this little Wesleyan church was our church home prior to that move, and my memories and sentimental feelings for that place are so strong.  I felt so loved there as a little girl, and I can still remember the precious people that poured that love into me.  That has nothing to do with the revival, just threw it in there. :))  Anyway, we were so incredibly blessed as a family by the preaching ministry of Dr. Norman Wilson.  Some of you may recognize that name as the voice of The Wesleyan Hour for many years.  Dr. Wilson has a way of communicating truth that has your heart and spirit joyfully responding YES YES YES!  And he makes it so interesting that my children sat up straight with ears and eyes tuned right in night after night.  They hated to see it end.  As parents, we were thrilled for the sound doctrine that was being clearly imparted to them.  It was a blessing.

~On Sunday evening, Derek planned the first TeenFire baptism since heading up that ministry over 2 yrs ago.  We are seeing such breakthroughs in this ministry, and there is tangible evidence that God is on the move.  It is exciting to see and to be a part of.  TeenFire doesn't necessarily look like your average church youth group.  In some ways it is a  struggle to find the balance between the discipleship and the outreach taking place.  Sunday night meetings are devoted more to the discipleship and training, and is primarily geared toward our church young people.  They break into small group and dig deeper into the Word that Derek has given them for the evening.  Good things are happening there.  But on Tuesday nights, the focus has been reaching out, being a face and a voice for God in the community.  Tuesday meetings take place "off-campus"; in the beginning at a coffee shop, then on to a cafe', and now at the community park.  Each week there are between 60-70 teens present, and the majority of these kids live downtown and have very difficult lives of poverty, family problems, etc. These kids often wander around the streets and have no real purpose or direction given to them.  At TNS (we call it Tuesday Night Special) they are fed a meal, allowed to play Wii on a big screen, volleyball, basketball, etc.  And then they are required to stay for Derek's Word-Out moment which is always an evangelistic gospel message.  God's presence has been evident in unusual ways recently.  After a time of group prayer, with Derek laying hands on several young men particularly, they came to him and wanted to be baptized.  This past Sunday Derek and the pastor had that privilege.  It was really, really special.  Their voices as they proclaimed Jesus as Lord  were clear and sincere and we pray that the Holy Spirit will guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus!  On the way home, Reagan (our 4 yr old) said:  "Those kids faces was diffwent when they came out of the water".  WOW!  Precious!

~A few weeks ago when Spring cruelly blew its warm, seductive breeze our way, I was struck with an incurable case of Spring fever like I've never known.  Of course, as Spring is apt to do, it disappeared just minutes after the siren song, and I was up to my neck in a myriad of household projects.  Too late.  I was suckered in, so there's nothing to do but move forward.  Truth is, our house has needed some TLC quite desperately for some time. It seems like there are just a million "little" repairs that we've let go...and they just added up!  The decor also hadn't been updated in several years, so we are now in the process of tackling all of it.  I am a woman on a mission.  My poor husband hasn't known what hit him.  I have SIX LONG pages of notes to go off of...which I wrote sitting on our bathroom floor at 3 a.m., during one of my recent bouts of wretched insomnia.  Good news is, by the end of this week, we should have both of the kids rooms completely re-done, and hopefully the guest bath as well.  I will post pics of these transformations in the near future.  Promise.  But boy, am I tired. *yawn*

~As if all of that wasn't enough, I also took on another role a few weeks ago.  Most of my readers know that my dad is a funeral director and owns a Mortuary business in Lexington.  My brother is also a funeral director, and works for Dad, as well as my sister who keeps the office running.  I have always enjoyed being able to tag along occasionally; Derek has made some "deliveries" in the past as well, but we haven't been consistently involved in the business.  However, with all the work there is to be done (and good help hard to find), and also with my sister's health issues, Dad talked to me about working out a schedule where I could come in and work as well.  So that's what I've been doing:  working several mornings a week.  Sometimes office work, sometimes "other" stuff.  I've seen some things, folks. I've seen some things. Having said that, this line of work is something that I've always been "comfortable" with, which I know not many people can say.  I do truly MARVEL at my dad...he is SO gifted with what he does.  Everyone should be so lucky as to have an embalmer like my dad care for their deceased loved one.  He does beautiful work.  And that is a completely unbiased assessment.  Scout's honor.  Well, I'm not actually a scout, but you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who's seen Dad's magic touch not agree with me. :)   The thing I've been most thinking about, though, as I've seen young and  young-ish people brought in for various causes, usually tracing back to alcohol and/or drug use is, if they only knew this is how it would end for them!  If they had any idea a few days ago, that they would end up on a cold table with all the indignity of death, they would have made better choices!!! SURELY!!!  I can't help but wonder if young people were required to visit businesses like ours for a 'field trip', if they wouldn't say no thanks to the bottle being passed around or to the drugs so easily accessible on our nations' street corners.  Of course that's not possible, and maybe that's for the best.  But I still can't help but wonder....

So there you have the stuff that's been on my mind.  Here I thought it wasn't enough to blog about separately, and this ended up being a very wordy post. If you stayed with me, bless ya!!

Carpe' Diem, my friends!

Confessions of a Non-Couponing Mom...

Once upon a time, in a cold and bitter land, there lived a lady with a husband, four kids, and a dog; she didn't spend hours clipping coupons.

Okay, so the "cold and bitter" were just added for sheer emphasis.  It is a ridiculously cold spring here, and I am rather bitter about that, but still.  Mostly just there for effect! :)

This is really the story of an observation I've made over the last couple of years, but it's come into clearer focus in recent days.  It always surprises me the myriad of pursuits that so easily become trendy, for lack of a better word.  Whether it's the latest book with a little shock value, a particular hair style or accessory, or even clipping coupons, we are just creatures who like to have a trend to get in on!! And I'm not casting aspersions on that...it's just an observation.  I realized I must be right about the couponing trend, when I recently saw an advertisement for a weekly show on the TLC network called "Insane Couponing";  one woman said she spends 5 HOURS A DAY doing it!!!  If a whole show is devoted to it, it must really be the next new thing.

When it comes to "couponing", I definitely say "more power to ya" if you have all the energy, time, and willpower that it takes to feed that obsession! No hard feelings, and you may just want to skip this post! :)  This is more for the other ladies lurking around blog/facebook world who have (like myself) felt guilty at times when they see the passionate mission of other moms to save a buck.  We women are good at that whole measuring ourselves against each other thing.  That's just another observation that I threw in for free.  Have blogged about that in the past too.

I love a bargain as much as the next gal.  I really do.  And I NEED to save money.  I really do.  Times are tough around here...and sometimes groceries feel more like a luxury than a necessity.  I have ventured into the world of couponing, but in spite of our financial needs, I quickly came to the conclusion that the grief and headache involved just truly Was. Not. Worth. It.

That being said, I am learning to do my part to stretch the dollar and try to feed the fam at the same time.  I'm no expert BY ANY MEANS, and I know my insights are not new or necessarily blog-worthy.  But I'll share them just the same.  Remember, I'm trying to make all of us non-couponers feel better about ourselves.  :)

1.  So, if a coupon crosses my path and makes itself readily available and easy to use, I'm ALL OVER IT.  That's the first thing.  Like the digital coupons that can be uploaded directly to your frequent shopper card.  Oh yeah, baby.  That's couponing I can live with.  No clipping, no cutting, no filling up my purse with more paper! :)  QUICK NOTE:  about non-grocery couponing:  Kohls is a FAB-YOO-LUSS place for making sales, couponing, etc., feel like a worthy endeavor.  Shop during power hours, earn Kohl's cash, sign up for special email discounts, and you can rack up some serious savings.  Around Christmas time, I purchased nearly $500 worth of merchandise and spent $109.  That was a happy night, dear readers.  *tears*  But Kohls made it EASY. 

2.  I try to be aware of the sales that are happening at the grocery stores, particularly for items that I can stock up on.  This is something I'm really trying to do a lot better about.  For example, our Kroger often has sales on Perdue fresh, all natural chicken breasts.  Like .99/lb.  That is a GREEEAAT time to stock up on chicken to freeze.  Yay for chicken!

3.  Also, when you're aware of what's on sale, it just makes sense to plan your menus for the week around what you can buy for less.  DUH.  You knew that already.  Bears mentionin' now and then, though.

4.  Look for the Manager's Specials in the meat department; items that have to be sold or frozen in the next day or so.  I have stocked up on good lean ground beef and sirloin tip roasts, etc., for really great prices.  Take 'em home and freeze 'em.

5.  If there is a particular product that you really like but it's just beyond your budget, you can contact the manufacturer and tell them how much you like their product (butter them up, ya know) and ask if they could send you any coupons.  I have even done this with prescription meds...don't even have to butter them up....just call and say "my doc prescribed this for me.  Do you have any discounts or savings I could get in on?"  This has proven VERY helpful with several meds.  I had a prescription where my co-pay was $40/month and the manufacturer sent me a discount card good for up to $45 off my RX for a WHOLE YEAR.  I got that RX free for a year.  Yay!  So it never hurts to try...

That's about all I've got for now.  Told ya I wasn't an expert.  But if I can look at my receipt and know that I saved money, real money...then I'm good with that.  The trade-off for the "insane" kind of couponing just wasn't worth it for me.  That's my confession.  Maybe I'm a bad person.  But I'm wagering there are others of you out there. I'd love to hear your stories and favorite tips for saving money and staying sane!

Come out of the shadows and be free!

hee hee...I amuse myself....:))

4/14 UPDATE:  First, I just learned that the show is actually called "Extreme Couponing"; sorry for that mix up.  Secondly, I had the chance to watch a couple of episodes of it.  I'm more convinced than EVER that I'm not going that way! In fact, I was really struck by how it goes way beyond "trend" with these folks featured and it's a full-blown addiction.  I think they need serious help and intervention.  My hearts go out to their children...one lady referred to herself as a "supermom" for her couponing skills.  I just couldn't help but think what a shame that her kids are deprived a "normal" mom, and instead have one who is addicted and obsessed to the point of valuing her "STOCKPILE" as much as her family.  She actually said she finds it as beautiful as her family!!!! NO THANK YOU!!

The Sound of Silence...not really....

Once upon a time, I brought forth my firstborn: a beautiful baby girl. And then 23 months later, I gave birth to a precious baby boy. 21 months after that, the sweetest little girl came along.

As each of those little ones reached ages 3-4, they hit that "nonstop question" phase. There was LOTS of chatter in this household. Since they were so close in age, one would barely get out of the incessant question-asking stage and another would hit it. We were quite accustomed to it.

But see, there was this four-year lull. Was it ever strange when the youngest little gal had her 2nd birthday and I wasn't great with child! :)

However, God had a little surprise up His sleeve. And by youngest gal's fourth birthday, I was on bedrest, trying to keep the little caboose in the womb as long as possible.

Our little Caboose was Reagan. And he just turned four this last Valentine's Day. During the four year relative silence, I had kinda forgotten what it was like to be asked 14 trillion billion zillion questions in an 8 hour period of time.

Today, in a matter of moments, I heard the following:

"Mommy, does the sun control the moon?"
"Mommy, what does 'rotate' mean?"
"Mommy, what are little boys made out of?
"Mommy, what about cats? What are they made out of?"
"Mommy, why do I have to use the bathroom every day?" (there were other VERY interesting bathroom questions, but I'll spare you!)
"Mommy, when I grow up to be the Daddy, can I stop using my car seat?"
Mommy, why this, why that, why why Why????

So that's how I spent my day today. Answering questions I really have no idea how to answer. Probably how I'll spend a lot of days in the near future. But I stopped to remind myself that time is so fleeting, that this phase will soon fade into a memory.
I plan to cherish every minute with these precious little people entrusted to my care. Even if it is noisy.

Silence can wait....it's over-rated anyway....

So sorry about the behemoth sized font. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? Blogger is such a pain! I tried to fix it, but to no avail. Sorry!

"The years tell us much the days never knew..."

I saw this quote shortly after returning from a delightful "Girlfriends Getaway" which was spent with dear friends who have meant much for so long. I have chewed on it over and over since that time, for it just rang so true with the thoughts and feelings brought about by our time together.

My life has been abundantly blessed by the friendships that were formed at an earlier time. Truly, those fun and exciting days we spent together in our youth could not have foretold the things that the years would bring... the joys, the heartaches, the changes of life, the miles that would span between our gatherings. I treasure every moment we can spend together! I'm very thankful for friendships that are grounded in a shared history, treasured memories, a commitment to Jesus, and a bond of love that remains unshaken. Oh! yes, and laughter!
Much more could certainly be said, but I believe I'll leave it at this, and share just a few pics from our weekend together. I'd forgotten how frustrating it can be to load pics to blogger!!!

We enjoyed a special weekend in Florida at the end of February.

Chatting it up in Market Square in Celebration, FL
Sunday evening laughs and good food at Vernon's home in Hobe Sound
Dinner at the incomparable TooJay's. :)




Some people can't be trusted....:)


Breakfast at Ohana's (it means family!) at Disney's Polynesian Resort. FABULOUS.
Kimber and I a little travel weary that first night. These pics are all out of order.

Passing the Faith Along...

I had held out as long as possible before throwing away my withering Valentine's Day roses from Derek. They stayed beautiful for quite some time this year and brought me a smile every time I looked at them. When I finally caved, and headed for the trash can with them, Sophie was so disappointed. "MOMMY! Do you really have to throw them away? They're still alive aren't they?"
Even Cameron joined in the protest, thinking I should give them another chance at rallying. :)

I thought it was rather cute that they were being such advocates for the poor flowers, but a thought struck me as I ignored their pleas and shoved the stems deep down into the wastebasket.

"Sophie, do you know when these roses started dying?" I asked her.

"Today???" she threw out uncertainly.

I sat the kids down at the table and read to them from John 15. I said, "Children, these flowers began to die the very instant they were cut from their bush. Even though we've enjoyed them for some time now, they have been in the process of dying the whole time."

We went on to have a discussion about the life-source of the flower, and then applied how the Scripture refers to us as being on a vine as well. There were many good points for discussion after that about truly living in Jesus, bearing fruit for Jesus, how we can be cut off and everything that means about spiritual death.

Still, I see Sophie with her little bedside cup of flowers that she was just given on Sunday, doing everything she can to tend to them and keep them alive as long as possible. We've talked again about the vine and the branches.

My poor children may grow weary of my habit for turning the simplest daily tasks into object lessons...and I assure you, I'm not the most creatively gifted for it...but it is the way that most helps me on my journey and I'm trying to pass it along to them. It's not about winning any blue ribbon for "most creative mom" or "best storyteller", or I'd be in big trouble. What it is about, to my way of thinking, is using the model that Jesus used so often to communicate important truths. Look around you: hardly a day goes by that there's not a life-truth to be learned that's quietly nestled into the common and ordinary things around us.

I'm praying for the Father to help me open my eyes, or just to see with spiritual eyes open, all the things that He would have me know and maybe even share along the Way.